No one has ever asked me “why do you write?”
I’m not surprised. Most everyone knows I write.
It’s no secret. It’s part of who I am, who I’ve been for the majority of my
life. I think 25 out of 38 years can count as a majority ... right. So far
that’s about 66% of my life … about 2/3.
It’s as natural as breathing … at least to me. But,
I’ve never analyzed it until now.
Out of idle curiosity and mainly for research,
I follow certain people on Twitter. Naturally, if they follow me … I’ll follow
back. I do read their tweets. I might not agree with them, or I might. It
depends on the issue. I’m there to interact with people, to follow NASCAR, and
other interesting people. I have another Twitter account to promote my business
(which after my “trip” I will get back to) …
One of the “tweeple” (Twitter people) is a
writer who posts some writing tips, and other “goodies”. As with any advice I
have the “take it or shake it” approach. Some is good for me, and some is not.
No one is an expert on anything, even experts.
We can watch any kind of court case, news program, or read a paper on which
experts often “theorize”. I agree with some of the stuff, other stuff I don’t.
On Sunday (5/4), one of the tips was to take the bad
things that happen in life and write about it. I found the advice a bit … well
… “outdated”.
Why?
I’ve been doing that since I was 12 years old. I
thought most writers already knew this or did this. In doing so, I've come up with a lot of great ideas. If I’d being doing it since I was 12 … it’s a fairly “old” practice, at least from my point of view.
I responded that I’d been doing that for over
20 years. She was amazed that I had learned to use my writing in such a manner
at a young age when it had taken her a long time to do so.
That was bit startling to me. Then again, as I
said above … my writing is like breathing – natural and no second thoughts
about it. And, in most cases, I take the good or bad and … write. It’s all I’ve
known how to do.
Most of my friends know I’ve been writing since
around the 7th/8th grade (ages 12/13). So … it’s been
well OVER 20, more like OVER 25 years. Good grief! Now I’m feeling really old.
Anyway …
In eighth (8th) grade, I wrote a
“fan-fiction” story for a class assignment, and got an “A”. It was a unique
story that had an element of horror, suspense, and embodied what the series was
about. Most of the students loved it, and I was really shocked. I was also a
bit humbled. It was the first time I’d publically shared my writing. My secret
was out. So, naturally it produced some curiosity among my classmates. Some
were supportive, others were not. Some were relentless in their teasing, and
add that to the bullying for being fat, wearing glasses, and not “fitting in”.
Later in that same class, I wrote, produced, directed,
and acted in a short play with two friends. I was responsible for the writing,
the printing of the scripts, directing, casting (such as I had to do), and the
soundtrack. That’s a lot of work for an eighth grader.
Looking back the whole idea and script seemed silly; then again I was in eighth grade so I was far from the likes of George Lucas, Steven Spielberg … etc. Given what I had to work with and what I did … it got an “A”, so I can’t be too upset. To be honest, the story with some re-working could have potential. I don’t want to revisit it though.
Looking back the whole idea and script seemed silly; then again I was in eighth grade so I was far from the likes of George Lucas, Steven Spielberg … etc. Given what I had to work with and what I did … it got an “A”, so I can’t be too upset. To be honest, the story with some re-working could have potential. I don’t want to revisit it though.
From the word “go”, I wasn’t comfortable in
front of the camera (yes, it was filmed and I’m too damn terrified to look on
YouTube for it). I was more comfortable behind the scenes – writing or
directing, maybe both. Perhaps I should add that to my résumé – actor/actress,
director, writer, and producer.
I also worked on the school’s literature
project/yearbook and have my name in there as part of the staff. Add another
title: “editor” or “staff”.
So … writing has always been there for me. It’s
something I’ve always known.
I began writing for a multitude of reasons:
1.) I was being bullied in school (it started around 4th
grade and didn’t end until about 9th). At age 12, I took action! In
my stories, I was safe. I also had friends to stick up for me, and in some
cases … I was … “important”.
Note: My mother and grandmother were
constantly at odds with the school staff about the bullying. My grandmother and
mother both advised me, since the staff wanted to do nothing about it … “they
hit you … you knock them the hell out”. Yes, my own mother actually supported
that. And, yes, there were a few times I’d hit back.
In
my stories, I’d do that – get bullied, get in trouble … and there would be a
great episode for television, which led into reason #2 …
2.) I loved certain TV shows and always wanted to be a part of them.
Writing was my way of continuing the series, and being a part of it.
Note: Yes, there was the onslaught of
“dreaded” “Mary-Jane” stories. However, if done right … they can add a great
dimension to the story-lines and be a challenge for the other characters.
I
wasn’t perfect. Far from it. But, of course there is always the “happy ending”.
It helped me learn, live, and grow as a
person. I felt safe and that gave me confidence to use in real life. Those TV
characters (in my stories) taught me quite a bit, some of those lessons were
practical in real life.
It
might sound “corny” or cliché … but, it worked.
3.) I loved to tell stories, even at a young age.
Note: From a young age, I always
wanted to “race”. Perhaps that stems from being born on Dale Earnhardt’s
birthday (4/29). I’d race a “scooter”, tricycle, laundry basket … wheeled horse
– anything with wheels. I’d tell my mom if I won or lost. I was realistic even
in my fantasies. “Oh, I’ll do better next race” … that brings back a few fond
memories.
4.) It was my way of “coping” with traumas and tragedy.
Note: Not all of us can afford or want
to see a “therapist”. What can they say or do that would make a “trauma” or
“tragedy” like it never happened? How can they reverse the hurt, the loss of
security/safety … those things?
Yes,
they can suggest ways of “coping” – find an enjoyable hobby (crocheting,
knitting, writing, reading, photography) … and do it.
The
problem? I already had some hobbies. So, there was nothing a therapist could do
for me.
At
age 12, I began retreating into my stories. I took my problems to the
characters I knew and trusted. It wasn’t easy trusting them either. My
“character” had either the same flaws I did or other flaws. And, even in those
stories … I’d run away.
But
… in those stories, I was forced to work through the trust issues, and face the
demons that plagued me. And, in real life … I emerged stronger.
More
on the “stronger” later …
5.) I could have the family I wanted or didn’t want (depended on the
story) …
Note: I grew up an only child, and
with only one parent – my mother. My … “biological male parent” chose to leave
my mother for an older woman (10 years older) with six kids. Those kids didn’t
want me around, and neither did the new woman in his life.
He
literally slammed the door in my face when I was four (4), so I learned quite
quickly … he didn’t want me … but, my mother did. So, from then on … I didn’t
have a dad. Still don’t. Am I sad? Yes and no. It’s who I am, it’s my life, and
I go on. I don’t stop … I don’t know how.
Over
the past 34 years I haven’t received birthday cards or gifts; no Christmas
cards or gifts; no letters, no nothing. He didn’t even want to pay child
support. It was clear … he didn’t want to be my dad.
He
made his choice. I’m not looking back, never did … never will. I believe that
actions speak louder than words. I see what my mother has done for me; I see
what he HASN’T done.
As
a result … my characters sometimes have family issues be it the absentee
father, siblings going astray (which has happened in my family), divorce,
re-marriage … you get the idea.
It’s
helped work through the emotions, feelings, and things you can’t quite put into
words … it’s save thousands in therapy bills that’s for sure.
6.) I could be anyone I wanted, I could explore the “roads not
taken” or the “what ifs” in life …
Note: We all have the “what ifs” in
our lives. What if I’d done this, that …not done this or that. You get the
idea.
I
could also explore being a race car driver, a lawyer, a police officer … I
could be married, divorced, single. Have kids, or planning a family.
It
was the exploration of a life I wanted, lost, or could have. Anything was
possible.
..........
As you can see … I write for many reasons, and
I’m sure there are some I haven’t listed. I’m drafting this around two (2) in
the morning where I am (Pacific Time Zone) so my mind isn’t all that clear. We
have new neighbors and they’re being a bit … noisy. I think they’re about to
quiet down. I hope so, I need some sleep.
A good chunk of my original and my
“fan-fiction” is a result of things that’d happened in my life. Quick note on
my “FF” … it’s more like a tie-in novel, or an “episode” of a TV series.
Prior to the events of 9/11, I started on a story
that wouldn’t come to “full” fruition until last November. I was going through
a lot of changes and some anger over a few things. I was feeling “down” and
turned to what I normally did … my writing.
After 9/11 (2001), I turned back to my writing
to work through those emotions. There was a lot of hurt, anger, and fear. You
know … the dark side of the force.
When I moved from one apartment to another, the story (or rather the pieces) got lost. I got a computer in 2003, and the story was left behind. Then I got a job in 2005. Life and “drama” got in the way. The story was eventually forgotten. I didn’t even have a “sub-title” for it, a beginning, or an ending. It was a jumble of “scenes” and rambling.
When I moved from one apartment to another, the story (or rather the pieces) got lost. I got a computer in 2003, and the story was left behind. Then I got a job in 2005. Life and “drama” got in the way. The story was eventually forgotten. I didn’t even have a “sub-title” for it, a beginning, or an ending. It was a jumble of “scenes” and rambling.
Over 2007 and even into 2008, I went through
something with a now “ex-friend”. I had a lot of resentment, anger, rage, and
fear. I felt broken and I needed to turn it around. So … I did. I lost myself
in my writing and I used a different TV show to showcase it and eventually
moved it into my own original work.
When my aunt died in 2011, I found myself
returning to a place I hadn’t been since 1997 – it seemed, like “Star Wars” … it
was before the dark times, before the Empire. The last time I’d been there was
before 9/11, before the issues with the “ex” friend, before a lot of things...
The emotions of everything had me feeling like
I was out of my mind, and thus my first (2011) NaNoWriMo story was born. While
it didn’t get finished, I worked through a lot of the emotions from my aunt’s
death. Stuff that is still creeping up every now and then. Someday, I will get it finished ... it’s a matter of when the “someday” is.
In either 2012 or 2013, I found the one story
from 2000/2001 … and it was a jumbled mess of nothing. I shredded it. Some
would have severely admonished me for that. But, it was like an old saying …
And … well … it came back over
September/October 2013 after I picked up season one of a TV show I’d loved my
entire life (does 5 months old count) that the story was based around.
It came back in a good way and did what it
needed to do – it helped. Not only did I complete the NaNoWriMo challenge, but I tripled the goal and ended with 152,521 words. I also used it to
As a result of that story, I’m now taking a
journey at the end of June and doing a few things I thought I never would …
1.) FLY on a
commercial aircraft! [I haven’t flown since 1980, and swore to never
do it after 9/11; actually … I’m terrified of flying.]
2.) Travel without
my mom. [Yes, there always comes a time when you do it, it’s just
that I never really thought it’d ever happen.]
3.) Meet someone I’ve
always loved and admired. [He and another person inspired the
2000/2001 story that came back to me last year.]
As you can see … my writing has done more than
I can ever express or begin to explore. So, I’m sure you can understand why
this person’s “tip” seemed so outdated.
I also didn’t know what to say when she replied
“You already did this at a young age? It took me longer to discover this power
tool.”
I’ve always been a “quick” learner – whether it
be in school, work, or life in general. I’ve had the ability to quickly adapt
once I learn something. I’ve had to find ways of not letting the negative stuff
bog me down.
I can’t take all the credit … it was really my
mother who was the originator of this idea in my family. My mother did the same thing – wrote
to escape, cope, etc. She was around 14 when she started writing (I won’t
even tell you when that was). So, this has been a a fairly
During the conversation, another group that
follows me (and I follow) shared the following image:
That sums it up better than I could.
I’m not saying it’s right for everyone. I just
know it’s right for me. This “writer” was shocked and I was shocked. It also shocked me when she said I was blessed
to have such a supportive mom. I responded that I agreed.
But, that is supposed to be NORMAL. Mothers are supposed to be supportive, loving, attentive, and be “there” for their children.
Well … that’s what my mother taught me. I’ll
admit that I’m blessed to have the mother I have. We’re neither one perfect –
but, as anyone or anything – we’re a work in progress. I’m always surprised
when people are surprised that she’s the way she is.
In closing …
The moral is that when life hands you lemons …
make lemonade!!
I’m not kidding you! It sounds corny, but it’s true!
Make the best of the worst (if you can).
If you don’t believe that lemons and lemonade can change the world …
Look up “Alex’s Lemonade Stand” and the founder
… http://www.alexslemonade.org/about/meet-alex
If that doesn’t inspire you ... I don’t know what will.
Special Thanks To:
ScreenCraft for posting that inspiring image (http://www.screencraft.org/aboutus)
ScreenCraft for posting that inspiring image (http://www.screencraft.org/aboutus)
Whoever wrote that inspiring “set it free”
quote. Here’s a website about the origins of it: http://quoteinvestigator.com/2012/04/08/love-set-free/
The ALSF logo belongs to the copyright holder. If there is a problem, I will remove it and substitute with one of my lemon run medals.
As of note the ALSF is one of many charities I support. Another one is EGPAF (Elizabeth Glaser Pediatric Aids Foundation). There are others as well, too many to name.
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